Being There
by cannyuncanny
Summary: Derek Morgan carries in him more scars than he can count. So does Spencer Reid.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own, please don't sue. Don't have money. Or anything else, really. Warnings: Slash

Rating: PG-13

Derek Morgan carries in him more scars than he can count. So does Spencer Reid.

Morgan is a protective person. He fiercely protects everyone and everything dear to him. This is a side-effect of having lost so much, and he holds on to what he has now with a certain desperation that is curious to watch. He coddles Garcia, is defiantly loyal to Hotch, watches over JJ and Prentiss with care, respects Rossi, and... loves Reid.

Every morning, as he lays in bed and stares at Reid's sleeping face, he can't help the sharp spike of pain that lances through his heart at the mere thought of losing him. Reid doesn't seem to get the point, though, doesn't see the anguish Morgan goes through whenever he is in danger. The kid is a magnet to every evil lurking in the darkness, almost calling out to danger. Morgan's heart cannot take any more.

His father meant everything to him. He would sit on his lap and be regaled with stories of the police force and the endless war between good and evil. He would feel the warmth spread in his chest when goodness won. And he was so proud that his father was part of the cause. His father fought monsters... and won. He was his hero.

When that was ripped from his life, he stood there, the man of the household, the caretaker. He was strong, never letting a moment of weakness slip through, doing what was required of him with clarity and precise effectiveness.

Inside, he died a little that day.

Buford was his way out.

Carl promised him a better life, a way to make it to a place of prosperity and peace. A way to make his mom and sisters proud of him, a way to make something of himself.

He lost more than he ever gained.

Morgan never wanted to look back at those days when he hated looking at his reflection in the mirror. All it whispered back to him was "failure, idiot, whore."

He washed himself clean of his past. He was SSA Derek Morgan now, a vital member of the BAU, a profiler in his own right.

It still hurt. The years of abuse, the pain, the aching feel in the pit of his stomach.

Spencer Reid was his angel, his reason for being.

Never once did he treat him different, even after Chicago. Spencer loved him, held him in times of trouble and poured soothing balm into his gaping wounds. He loved purely and innocently, a love born of hope and fear.

Spencer Reid chased away Derek Morgan's demons.

Pity he would not allow Morgan to chase his away.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

Wednesday night, and Morgan groaned as he tried to adjust his length comfortably on the seat in the BAU jet. Work beckoned again, and he genuinely hoped they could catch this latest son of a bitch before the weekend. It was a long month and Morgan needed the rest, a little time away from kicking down doors and tackling unsubs. Reid did too, it seemed, though he did not kick down any doors. His brain muscles were screaming for peace.

Morgan was a little worried, though. Reid seemed a tad withdrawn, and the dark circles under his eyes seemed more pronounced. He was suffering from sleepless nights again, and Morgan didn't know how to soothe the little insomniac.

The case was looming large, and kept them more than busy for the next few days.

* * *

Sunday morning, and Morgan was doing what he liked best - watching Reid sleep. They had just finished a case and had the day to themselves, a welcome holiday after the gruelling hours of trying to track down a serial killer who attacked prostitutes. Everything was calm and peaceful and Morgan smiled and stretched lazily.

His face soon took on a look of concern, however, when Reid frowned a little in his sleep, body tensing and moving as if he were uncomfortable. His lips twitched, but nothing came out, his hands gripping the white sheet on the bed and pulling a little. Morgan had seen this before and recognized the signs - a nightmare.

Immediately his arms were encircling the lithe body, his voice engaged in whispering little nothings to calm down his lover. After a few seconds, Reid's eyes fluttered open, hands out before him, frantically clutching at Morgan. Morgan just held him tighter, dark hands splaying over the pale back and rubbing soothing circles on the tensed and bunched muscles.

He did not ask what the nightmare was about. For the past few weeks, Reid was more closed than he ever was, never talking about anything, never telling Morgan anything. He was more touchier though, searching for ways to be close to Morgan if they were left alone for even a minute. This in itself raised a million red flags in his mind. Reid was not very tactile, and kept away from too much contact. The rule did not apply much to Morgan though, and he wondered if it was just a little more dependence on him.

The genius was tucked into Morgan's arms now, trying to burrow himself closer, fingers grasping a little too tightly, like a drowning man trying to find some footing in a world which offered him none.

The desperation pushed Morgan a little over the edge, his chest tightening, unable to help Reid when he needed him.

"Reid. You gotta talk about this, kid. What's happening? I love you, you can tell me anything."

Reid just tightened his grip, his head shaking slightly, his fine hair tickling at Morgan's nose. A barely heard whisper. "I love you. I love you, I love you. Please."

And Morgan was left as confused as ever.

He couldn't heal what he couldn't know.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. They are much appreciated!!! On to Chapter 3, then. I foresee that this story will have 5 chapters.

* * *

The next day was Monday, and there were no active cases that the team was involved in. Morgan just sat at his desk, grudgingly doing his paperwork for the last month. He paused for a while, sighing and biting the tip of his pen lightly. Why does paperwork pile up till it became a hulking monster in the middle of the day? Because you keep procrastinating till the last minute, bozo, a small voice whispered in his mind.

He risked a glance up at Reid, who was writing at a rapid pace, his eyes flitting around the page. At the rate he was going, Reid would probably finish his work in the next one hour, while Morgan would probably take four hours. Damn his little genius! Atleast his mind was taken, not occupied with the nameless worry that stalked him at night and during the day.

__________________

The optimism of the day had turned into pessimism as the night deepened. Morgan should have been in a romantic mood - the settings all denoted that. The moon was full in the sky, the air was balmy and he was curled around his pretty boy on the couch watching a movie based on a graphic novel.

His heart couldn't be silent though. He ached slightly inside, his fingers shaking a little as he carded them through Reid's silky hair. When would his lover ever get a break from the workings of that genius mind? That eidetic memory was a blessing in disguise as well as a cloaked curse. He remembered every word and action with precise clarity, and it seemed like he couldn't put away the images brutally presented to him through his daily nightmares.

For Reid, isolation had become a way of life. He sought to be alone, a fortress where he could guard himself against the hurts and pains the world threw at him. Still, he let in a few people into that fortress - the BAU members and specially, Derek Morgan.

Morgan still remembered what Reid had replied when the BAU were discussing about isolation, a primary trait for most Unsubs. Reid's eyes had darkened considerably, and he had replied, "Mankind lives isolated. From others and from themselves. There is something about isolation as well as the promise of company that draws us, calls to us. They are two sides of the same coin, one we secretly flip every time, embracing the idea of one choice and mourning the demise of the other."

After the meeting, Morgan had cornered Reid at the coffee machine. "So, Pretty Boy, who said that and in which book?"

Reid had a strange look on his face when he replied. "Nobody. It should have been said, though."

Now, looking down at Reid's face half covered by his hair, Morgan felt the urge to broach the subject again. He tried to without alarming Reid. Before he opened his mouth, though, Reid flipped up, his puppy dog eyes staring straight at Morgan.

"Morgan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you love me?"

Morgan felt like he was being crushed by something unnamed. More than the words itself, the uncertainty and fear in the golden eyes arrested him.

"Pretty boy, you know I do. I love you more than anything, anything at all. You mean the world to me. You know that. Why are you asking me this now?"

Reid looked relieved and afraid at the same time. "Nothing. I just want you to know that I love you, too. More than anything, more than anyone. You're everything to me, and I don't want to lose you, ever." His look turned desperate, and he clutched at Morgan's wrist. "Please promise me that you'll never leave me, Morgan. Ever. I'll die without you."

And suddenly, Morgan was hugging him, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Reid, I love you, you silly nutcase. Nothing's gonna separate us, alright? Nothing at all!"

And as suddenly, Reid was crying, his tears soaking Morgan's shirt as he dug his fingers into his shoulders, trying to shield himself with Morgan, almost crawling into him. And Morgan held him through it all, wondering what in the wide world Reid had seen in his nightmares that would even imply that Morgan would leave him.

Damn those nightmares. They were pulling Reid down, bring back all his fears of abandonment and loneliness. This had gone on too long, and Morgan was about to put a stop to it.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still don't own them. Apparently Santa doesn't exist. I did ask him for the BAU... or maybe it was because I was not on the nice list.

Thanks for all the reviews, guys. You make my day!

* * *

Chapter 4:

Help came sooner than he thought it would. After an exhausting night, woken up time and again by Reid's nightmares and comforting him, worried beyond belief, he dragged himself to the BAU in the morning. He entered, whispering "Good morning, Babycakes."

"I'll show you a good morning, hot stuff."

"Any new cases?"

The young lady shook her colorful head. "Nope, seems like all serial killers have taken a vacation. Seems like good days for us."

Morgan walked to his desk while she spoke, slumping down over his seat. "Yes, and all the paperwork is done too. I need something to do or I'll go crazy."

Garcia's smile turned evil and she slammed a yellow folder suddenly on his desk. "Hunk of chocolate love, you forgot to do your paperwork for the case you finished last month. Albert Wills, remember? The creepy guy killing the atheletes?"

Morgan groaned at just the thought of more paperwork, wondering if he could bribe Garcia or his pretty boy to take this on. Reaching for the files, he flipped open the first page... and froze. The pictures of the victims were staring up at him, and right on the top was Oliver Maxmillan, the african-american, built almost like Morgan, hair closely cropped to the scalp. And then it came racing back to him.

They were rushing to save Maxmillan after figuring out that Wills was targeting him. Reid had been left behind in the BAU earlier that morning, working on a geographical profile. He had figured out that Wills was going after Maxmillan and had immediately contacted Hotch. The BAU team members, however, were quite far from the location, and it had taken some time for them to reach there. The police were excruciatingly slow and had reached there only after the BAU, despite being informed of the situation earlier. Morgan, Hotch, Emily and JJ had rushed into the house, only to find Reid hunched over the dead man, a look of confusion and fear on his face. They had caught Wills on his way to his apartment.

Apparently, his young genius had wanted to be with them while they nailed the unsub, and had driven to the house in an SUV. Hearing a gun shot in the house, Reid had rushed in, only to find Maxmillan dead on the kitchen floor, blood oozing out of a head-shot.

Suddenly, it all came through. Morgan looked at the photos now, cursing himself for being so blind. Maxmillan was almost Morgan's clone. It must have been excruciatingly scary for Reid to find who he must have thought was Morgan facedown on the kitchen floor. He had quickly regained his composure when he figured out that it was not Morgan (the BAU had a queer sense of timing, Morgan had just rushed into the house at that minute), but those moments were coming back to haunt Reid in his dreams.

Atleast, that was what Morgan thought. He didn't know if it was the case, but he had a strong instinct that this was it. It would explain the shadowing, the fear of abandonment and the nightmares. He thought back to last night, wondering if he had done the right thing in promising Reid that he would never leave. You could never promise that, not with this job.

And then Morgan realised his mistake. He had just let Reid sleep in, to make up for the lack of sleep he had in the past few days. He had left a note on the pillow saying that he would meet him later, and that he loved him. Now Reid would wake up to an empty house... and it wasn't the best scenario to take place now.

Morgan grabbed his coat, said goodbye to a very confused Garcia and ran to his car.

* * *

Reid entered the house carefully, the gun held in front of him like a shield.

"FBI. Mr. Maxmillon?"

There was no answer. He moved forward, his eyes flitting about for any signs of movement in the house. Everything seemed deathly still. "?"

Rounding a corner, he walked into the kitchen... and stumbled on something. His eyes opened wide in terror. A man, on the floor, blood spreading around his head in a pool.

"Morgan!"

* * *

"Morgan!"

Reid shot out of bed, panting. He was breathing hard, trying to wipe away those wisps of sleep from the recesses of his mind. It was just a dream, he told himself, just a dream.

He opened his eyes.

New panic overtook him. Morgan was not there, not by his side.

"MORGAN!"


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks, everyone, for reviewing. Sorry for the ultra-late update! I have been busy in a new role at work and with some family issues. Life has been a little hard.

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. For my birthday, maybe?

* * *

Morgan was beginning to get more worried by each minute that it took him to get home. His heart sped up with every second he sat in his car, racing home to his lover. Was Reid even awake now? If he was, was he panicking, or did he realize that Morgan was just at work?

He should have known that Maxmillan case would have affected Reid severely. He had no idea how he would have felt to enter a house only to find who he thought was Reid bleeding on the floor, dead. Just the thought gave him icy chills down his spine. And yet Reid had gone through that, and had suffered for so long, just locking that thought away in his heart. He had been abandoned by too many people to withstand any more, and even though Morgan would never leave by choice, he failed to take in the option that he could leave him this way.

* * *

He was squeezed up in the place between the tub and the wall in the bathroom, his hands covering his ears, his mind trying to make sense of it all. Morgan was alive, wasn't he? Maybe he had just gone to work. Maybe he was...

Dead.

Morgan left him.

Morgan wasn't there anymore.

Suddenly, Reid wished he were dead too. He'd rather not live now.

* * *

Morgan rushed into the house, yelling out Reid's name at the top of his voice. He searched the bedroom and the kitchen. Reid was not there. He searched out in the back yard too. No Reid.

Suddenly, Clooney was at his side, pulling at the bottom of his pants with urgency, dragging him toward the house.

"Clooney, boy, are you taking me to Reid? Come on boy, come on."

Clooney stopped right in the front of the bathroom, nudging at the door with his nose. As Morgan stepped into the bathroom, the sight before him made him freeze.

* * *

Reid blinked, staring up at Morgan from his place on the floor. Morgan?

He was confused, tired and most of all, terrified. Was his brain playing more tricks on him? Maybe he was quite kooky after all.

Suddenly, the apparition was next to him, pulling him into it's arms. It was warm, and he could hear a strong heart beat as his head was pressed against a strong chest. This was no apparition. This was Morgan.

And suddenly Reid lost it. He started kicking and struggling, trying to get away from Morgan. He couldn't risk the hurt again, the agonizing pain coursing through his gut. He couldn't do this anymore. Not anymore. He couldn't break anymore. He wasn't strong enough.

* * *

Morgan held on tightly to a struggling Reid in his arms, trying to avoid the flailing limbs and the terrified wriggling and hold the love of his life and chase the fears away. However, an elbow caught his chin and his lip split, bleeding slightly.

And that woke up Reid. He didn't know how. Suddenly, Reid's eyes cleared up, horror in his eyes as he saw the blood, his thumb coming up to wipe at it gently. And just as suddenly, he found himself with a lapful of lithe genius, trying to lose himself in Morgan's skin.

He rocked Reid gently, shushing his slowly wispered "sorry, sorry" and trying to make him calm down. Slowly, he got up, and before Reid could interpret the loss of his presence as anything negative, he put his arms under his lover and heaved him up, carrying him toward the bed. Placing him gently on the crumbled sheets, he sat down next to him and gently put his arms around him.

"Reid, look at me."

Reid slowly looked up, and the weight of the sorrow in his eyes nearly took his breath away. He continued anyway.

"I cannot promise you that something will not happen to us during our life together. You know that. With the jobs we hold, we can never be completely safe. But, Reid, even if we are normal people, we are still in danger. You of all people should be able to tell me statistics on elevator related deaths and other deaths related to falling down the steps or automobile accidents."

Reid stared at him, his eyes growing slightly moist with every word, but he was listening. And the lithe body in his arms were relaxing, ever so slightly.

"I'll tell you what we have. We have love and courage and truth. That's all we need. We have each other to keep us sane and strong. We have love, Reid. I love you. More than ever. More than anything.

We'll never lose that. Remember that even if you lose everything, I will be right there next to you. Holding you, supporting you. You know that right, Pretty Boy? You know I'd do anything for you.

And we have our family. The BAU may not be blood, but they are our family. Rely on them too. Let them see you with your walls down. It doesn't make you vulnerable. It makes you stronger."

And Morgan knew he had said the right things when Reid cuddled up closer to him, his arms grasping at the corded muscles on his back. Slowly, an arm disengaged itself and a thumb ghosted over his split lip again, much like the last time. Gorgeous melting eyes whispered out an apology, and Morgan smiled.

"Never mind the split lip, it was an accident, baby. Just go to sleep now. I'm right here beside you. I'll hold you."

And a little whisper made its way through the soft pink lips. "I love you too. So much. I love you, Morgan."

And surrounded by strong, protective arms, cushioned on the muscled chest, listening to the heartbeat of his lover, his best friend, Reid fell asleep with peace for the first time in more than a month.

He dreamed of happy days and sunshine. Of love, commitment and joy.

He dreamed of dark skin and smiling eyes.


End file.
